*This is a picture of a tiny alligator (or possibly a crocodile–can someone explain the difference?) my sisters and I met in Alabama. This is not the river-roaming monster I’m about to talk about. Picture lifted from my sister Heidi’s facebook account. Thanks Heidi.

Well everyone, first the good news: for those of you concerned about the alligator that was floating up and down the Chicago river around Belmont, he was just caught behind the building where I work. Yep. Apparently “Alligator Bob,” the man in charge of hunting it down, spent all of this morning paddling up and down the river, setting traps and doing his alligator thing. You can watch a little news report on it here:

Now the bad news: I arrived late on the scene and failed to snap a single picture of the exciting capture. I also failed to see or meet Alligator Bob. Instead, I snapped a picture of the boring aftermath, with everything looking as it usually does. Except for that little white van . . . could that be a TV van?

Seriously guys, I think it’s a TV van. And that’s the closest I’ve come yet to being on national television. I could have given them some sweet shots of me swinging my anti-alligator nunchuks, or leaping in the air wielding my crocodile-slaying machete, but no, they never ask, do they.

In case you are doubting my animal-dominating skills, please view the following photograph. Me with a snake which I throttled, then resucitated, then tamed into loving submission.

Please know that I continue to develop my alligator-fighting skills; every Office Manager should have some of those, at least if they want a job in this economy. Oh, you thought my job was just about writing emails, issuing invoices, and answering the phones? No, no, no. It’s all about defense against the wildlife in this Chicago factory. Tooth and claw, man, tooth and claw. Especially since this is not the first but the second alligator that has been roaming the waters near my company in the past couple months.

Oh, you say that it’s about “rescuing” the alligator and not slaying it? Restoring it to its natural habitat? That the alligator was a . . . a helpless victim?? That you’re reporting my blog post to the Bloggers Abusing Wildlife and Threatening to Kill Them Unnecessarily Committee?? Um, well, maybe I’ll put away my nunchuks for the good of defenseless amphibians. All right. Well then. See y’all tomorrow.