I’m having a girl.

WAIT!

HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN ABOUT HER PERIOD? WILL SHE FLEE IN HORROR WHEN I TRY TO TELL HER HOW TO CORRECTLY USE A TAMPON?

WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY DURING THE INFAMOUS SEX TALK?

HOW WILL I EXPLAIN ABOUT BOOBS AND BOYS AND BRAS?

And I’ll be darned if I never learned how to make a French braid.

Okay . . . deep breath.

Maybe I’ll wait until she’s a least born before allowing myself to dwell on these things any further. Or maybe I’ll even wait until she’s sitting up straight! Or hey . . . scooching around. In fact, maybe I’ll hang tight until her little rosebud mouth issues its first firm “Ba!”

Then I’ll revisit these all-important questions.

Maybe by then I’ll have gained a little perspective and they won’t be scrolling through my brain in all-caps, scaring the living daylights out of me.