How far along: 27 weeks, completed 7/10/12–I am heretoforth officially 3 months away from my due date.

Welcome to the third trimester, my son.

(yes, sometimes I speak to myself in a Jedi voice)

Weight gain: Not sure, but I feel like the gain has slowed down in the past couple weeks. I’m not seeing huge differences in my body from a couple weeks ago to present . . . are you?

And no stretch marks yet, though I hear they can creep up on you at the very end, and I also hear (sadly) that they are genetically predetermined, so no amount of expensive lotion is proven to keep them away if they’re in your cards.

Of course, that doesn’t keep my from trying the expensive lotions anyway.

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi! You’re my only hope.

Sorry, my mom was just telling me the story of how she and my dad were in the theatre seeing Star Wars while she was having contractions with me, so . . . right.

Clothes: My desperation last week over the heat/laundry situation came to a happy ending when my mother-in-law extended the hand of sympathy and offered up her brand new washing machine for our use. My husband was going to be with his parents all day Thursday anyway helping them get settled in their new home, so my father-in-law came into the city to pick him up and then brought him all the way back the following day just so that he could tote all our laundry over there and get things taken care of. Blessings on all that were involved in that laundry endeavor! I’m beginning to hope that there may not be another trip to the laundromat–if we can just hold out until August 15th . . . (I think we can!!!) . . .

I’ve also found a few more things I already owned that totally work for these medium/big belly days! For instance, the shirt from these pictures, which my cousin June passed on to me at Rummage two years ago.

And now that I’m looking at the nice drape and pleating along the sides, whaddya know: I think it may actually be a maternity shirt.

Purchases: I signed up to shop at a baby-stuff consignment sale in late August that my friend Traci told me about, where I hope to find cheaper versions of whatever I still need at that point (post-move and post-baby shower).

Body: I’ve started experiencing some back pain, but it’s totally different than what I expected. When I heard about pregnant back pain, I always imagined a pain similar to what I experienced my summer working at a nursing home, lifting patients that sometimes weighed hundreds of pounds and couldn’t move themselves at all: a dull but very intense, all-around (throbbing) ache. But this is different. I’ve been feeling these almost electric twinges in the area of my tailbone (very lower back) from time to time, especially after walking for an extended period. I also feel the twinges–quite sharply–if I lift myself back up from a bent position while keeping my torso stiff. To help assuage this, I’ve learned to stand up by rolling my spine up starting at the base and ending with the neck like they tell you to do sometimes in yoga (know what I’m sayin’?).

Sleep: I’ve struggled a couple nights, but I’m not sure if that’s pregnancy related or heat-related or the fact the one of those nights my husband was out of town . . . time will tell.

Best moment(s) of the week: Hearing that my mom is coming to my baby shower! More on that later.

Movement: Her movement is so sweet–I just love feeling her kicks and rolls (these two feelings are by now quite, quite distinct from each other). Our Sunday lunch was quite a bit later than usual, and for the hour leading up to eating, she was going CRAZY in there! I wonder if she was trying to tell me she was hungry?

Food cravings/aversions: I had an intense craving for stew on Sunday. It didn’t matter that it was hot outside. It didn’t matter that the stove and oven were going to make it hot inside. I just had to have stew! So I did.

And a tasty bowl of Boeuf Bourgignon it was! Worth every drop of sweat, I tell you.

Symptoms: Lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions, back pain now and then, and a small episode on Sunday during which I almost passed out but recovered quickly after sitting down.

Emotions: So yeah–my mom is coming to my baby shower! And I’m so happy about it. She’ll arrive here Friday afternoon and leave the following day some time after the party, and bless her heart for making the long drive even though it’s such a short visit! I half-heartedly tried to talk her out of it because I felt bad about the disproportionate car-time to Chicago-time ratio.

Thankfully she didn’t listen to me, and is coming anyway.

With her busy schedule finishing up their big house-building project and starting the process of moving in and getting everything in place, I haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk to her about any of the stuff you want to talk to your mother about during a time like this, and I’m so thankful to finally have some time with her.

Also, I’ve been feeling . . . scared. I don’t like this one bit, but there it is. I had a little talk with God the other morning that went something like this:

J: “God, I’m scared.”

G: “What are you afraid of?”

J: “Well . . . losing myself in this motherhood thing. Losing my identity. Having my strength tested. But mostly, not owning my time or energy or schedule like I have. I guess . . . having to live more selflessly seems really daunting.”

G: “You do realize that your identity, strength, time, energy and schedule are all mine already, don’t you?”

J: “Well yeah . . . but a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like that. I still tend to operate like I’m living for myself, for my own pleasure, and that it’s all about me.”

G: “So what you’re saying is, you know I’m going to be doing a perfecting work in you by making you into a more selfless woman, and you’re afraid it will hurt?”

J: “Yes! That’s it.”

G: “So you’re scared because your sin might be stripped away in this process?”

I pondered this. And then I realized:

YES!

God hit the nail on the head. Some sins are not enjoyable: anxiety. Nobody has fun worrying about stuff! Envy. It doesn’t feel very nice inside when you’re twisted with jealousy. Greed. It’s obsessive, and it feels like your whole being is in a vise grip. So who wouldn’t want to give up these sins?

But selfishness . . . it’s different. I happen to like living for myself, focusing so often on my own pleasure, on having fun, putting my own needs first, enjoying my life–and that’s my life (in case you didn’t notice the possessive pronoun there).

And that sums it up. I’m selfish, I feel entitled to my time and energy, and I feel defensive about losing it. I know I’m going to have to give up my own interests, or at least move them down a few notches so that they are below my baby’s needs. And I’m talking basic stuff here–like the baby will be crying and hungry and I will feel like making myself a smoothie. And I’ll have to feed the baby first . . . smoothie second.

Does that sound silly? Ridiculous? Well, after a lifetime of just going straight for the blender when I decide I want a smoothie, it may actually be an adjustment.

So yes . . . I’m afraid of the refining fire. Having sin be torched away–well, it’s not always a comfortable process, especially when it feels so ‘natural’ to keep being the way you’ve always been.

I don’t want to be scared, though. I want to be excited about the refining fire.

Excited about the refining fire . . . sounds a little unlikely. Like maybe a miracle is needed to make that jump. I guess I’d better start asking for it now.

Hopes and dreams: Right now, I’m looking forward to overcoming this feeling of being scared to the point of tears. I want to be firmly grounded in the strength of God! Fearless! Full of spiritual bravado and hope!!

*end of pep talk to self*

What I miss: Doing my regular Pilates exercise routine. This prenatal yoga stuff just isn’t quite as fun.

Also, I miss being inconspicuous, namely in my public transit experiences. With all the belly-noticing that’s been happening on the streets and on the train, these days I never know what conversation may be sprung on me. Most of the time it’s fun, but sometimes . . . it’s weird. Like this past Tuesday morning. I was on the good old #77 bus on the way to work, and this random young guy (late twenties?) started talking to me from across the aisle. It started very innocently with “Congratulations! How far along are you?” and “do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” but kept going . . . and going . . . and getting weirder and weirder all the time, until he was saying things like “Yeah, you’ll laugh a lot, like if you breastfeed, your shirt will probably get all wet. And if you eat a lot of sugary sweets, the baby will really like your milk.”

Awkward.

Please stop talking about my boobs, random stranger.

It was especially uncomfortable since he was talking to me from across the way, so the whole front section of the bus could listen to this happening. By the end I was just waiting for the moment that it would all be over, and when he rang for his stop I nearly leapt up and cheered.

What I’m looking forward to: Baby shower on Saturday! Woohoo!

Husband update: He continues to be such a rock of calm. As he put it, he may sweat some of the little things, but he doesn’t usually sweat the big stuff. So this whole having a child thing–it doesn’t seem to rock his boat.

When I feel like I’m coming unmoored, this is such a comfort.

And on that thought, I’m off to brew a pod of Caramel Vanilla coffee in the ole Keurig machine here at the office. I’m on a kick with that stuff–and it goes so well with a little piece of dark chocolate. I think of it as the ‘second breakfast’ that gets me in touch with my inner hobbit.

Have a great weekend, friends!

Love,

The Preg-diddly-umpkins