Once upon a time, my sister Heidi and I went out for a girl date to the Barnes and Noble in Fairbanks. They serve Starbucks coffee which I have grown to love very, very mucho. I ordered my usual Pike Place Roast with a shot of caramel and room for cream, and Heidi and I both got the best sugar cookie I’ve ever tasted.

A certain tiny man was with us. He had a very fuzzy little head.

Do you want to hang with your Auntie Jenna? The one with the slightly manic eyes and the greasy hair severely in need of a shower?

Hey, your head smells pretty good . . .

Up popped a foot.

I examined the foot.

My eyes got slightly crossed looking at those tiny toes.

I took the foot in hand.

Well this looks like a tasty treat.

I think I’ll just give it one little smooch . . .

But a little kiss wasn’t enough. No sirree.

I think I’ll just . . .

And I’ll just . . .

And I’ll . . .

I hope you realize how comfortable I feel with y’all here–I wouldn’t go sharing that picture up there with just anyone.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I had to cover those drugged-looking eyes.

Oops! Now that I’ve started, I can’t seem to stop. Alert Alert: do not try this at home. Smoking is very bad for babies–and for you! Also, moustaches on babies are very scary.

Let’s check in with the small one.

How’s it goin’, kid? Are you scarred by this experience?

Are you appalled by the feet-eating tendencies of your deranged Auntie?

In the end, he fortunately seemed no worse for the wear.

Now . . . how do you think those cheeks would taste?