The terror of the microphone

My story of our 2nd studio session wouldn’t be complete without a brief story about my experience recording lead vocals.

Carrie is our main singer and band leader, and for the most part, I stick to harmonies and guitar, with a little rhythm (egg shaker + tambourine) thrown in here and there. But there are a few songs–currently Denali, Green Wheat, and Pierced Through–that I take the lead vocals on.

After having an easy time getting clean guitar tracks during our first session and having a blast singing my heart out doing scratch vocals, I wasn’t really nervous about session #2. At all.

The situation: it was 1pm. Eric, Carrie and I were loaded in, tuned up, and warmed up, and our engineer Rick was ready at the mixing board. We had a couple hours before our friends Jon, Graham and Peter arrived to lay down their instrument tracks, so we needed to get lead vocals done for all the songs they were contributing to.

Which, for the purposes of this story, included Denali and Green Wheat.

Carrie started off strong with great takes on Scarecrow, Eloise, and a handful of other songs.

Eric continued, nailing his lead vocals on Dinosaur and Lucien.

 And then . . . it was my turn.

I stepped into the recording room and approached the microphone.

It had a funny little gold screen in front of it, which I’m sure serves some very important purpose.

And suddenly it was time to sing . . . for real.

As soon as I put the headphones on and faced that microphone, the nerves hit me like a punch in the gut. I felt that sinking/whooshing feeling, and all my breath support checked out of my body and went to hang out on another planet. Far, far away from my lungs where I really needed it to be.

“Rolling,” said Rick. The guitar track started playing in my ears. I stepped closer to the mic and opened my mouth.

guikgl

Somebody let me outta here!

Yes, I had a sense of humor about my own terror and hammed it up for the camera, but sadly that didn’t mean that the real terror went away.

I recorded a first take of Green Wheat–disastrous. Breathy, erratic, and the more erratic I heard myself getting, the more erratic my vocals became. But I pushed through the whole song even though I knew it was destined for deletion, just to give myself time to calm down and get into a groove.

After the first take, I turned to my bandmates and our engineer, who could hear everything from their perches on the other side of the glass. I couldn’t help but pity them all–nothing is more painful than sitting through an erratic performance by a nervous performer. I know from experience–it makes your soul kind of crinkle up and your cheek twitch.

“Um, wow,” I said. “Uf! Okay. I’m pretty freaked out right now guys.”

Oh, you guys. I psych myself out over lead vocals, purely because I know my part is the center of attention. Put me in front of the same mic to do harmonies, and I’m fairly calm and collected. But as soon as my brain registers “YOU ARE IN THE SPOTLIGHT, BABY,” something inside me clenches up and tries to wrestle my confidence into oblivion and beyond.

But that said, it didn’t make sense to be freaked out, dangit. It was totally irrational:

a) All three of these individuals had heard me sing lots in the past, so I had nothing to prove to them.

b) I’d been singing fine up until this point in this exact same studio, with this exact same group of people.

c) If I recorded a bad take, it could be deleted forever, so no horrible consequences were hanging over my head. In fact, I could record 100 million takes, and only the one I liked would ever be heard by the Peoples.

So why? WHY???

I just had to try and rationalize what was happening, or at least isolate some factors that I could perhaps control. The factors that came to mind were:

-I usually sing these particular 3 songs while playing the guitar–seated, and kind of hunched over my instrument. So standing up to sing them felt very different.

-When I stand and sing into a mic at our live performances (or at church), I usually hold the mic in what my husband calls my ‘death grip’ and kind of brace myself with the stand. Having something to grab that anchors me physically helps me feel more secure emotionally. I even rest my lips on the actual mic sometimes, especially if my eyes are closed, to maintain my sense of place and balance. So: standing next to this gold-screened mic with nothing to grab or touch, just my tall and lanky body hovering near it, made me feel unmoored. Unstable. A leaf in the wind.

With this quick (out-loud) psychological self-analysis complete, our engineer Rick (bless his heart) gave me a mic to hold that wasn’t even connected to anything–it was just something to grab.

Then he turned off the overhead lights, leaving only the red glow of the twinkle lights.

I sang in the dark for my next take, gripping the mic with all my strength, and alternately gripping my own arms and torso (and possibly collarbone? hard to say what I gripped during that frightening time).

The results: much better, but still quite wavery. By the third take, I was feeling waaaay better. So when we moved on to the next song, Denali, I was able to get it in one take–woohoo!

As of right now, Denali and Pierced Through are done, and I am pleased with the results. But sadly, after those 3 takes of Green Wheat, I decided to jump ship and leave it for another day. What’s that saying? “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day”? Right-o.

So the lead vocals for Green Wheat will be attacked during our last session. I can do this . . . right?

Any recommendations for beating this frightful monster of nerves? Because it’s highly annoying.

19 Weeks

How far along: 19 weeks, completed 5.15.12

Weight gain: ? I’ll know next week after my Wednesday appointment. My guess is 4 pounds. I feel much rounder around the mid-section–I think I may have experienced the Pop. It’s pretty dang visible in that bias cut dress in the pictures, and caused my husband to remark multiple times throughout the day I wore it: “You’re pregnant!” with a tone of amazement.

Right before my belly decided to appear, I had noticed (due to manhandling myself frequently) that my level of squish was definitely up.

Is that normal? Do you all grab yourselves sometimes to test your level of squish?

Anyway.

The point is, a few days after the increase in squish, I realized that buttoning the top button of my skinny cords was no longer the most comfortable thing in the world.

And, to top it off, a lady stomped on my foot as she was boarding the El train I was on. She looked around a minute later to see who she had stomped on, and I heard her exclaim to her group of friends “Oh no! It was a pregnant lady!”

Hee hee!

Though what’s with this ‘lady’ thing? I feel too young for that. Let’s try for ‘pregnant girl’ next time.

Clothes: Still pretty comfortable in whatever, though I have to make sure my shirts are especially long-waisted since as the day progresses and I eat food, my belly pushes out a little more. And currently the top button of my pants is unbuttoned for maximum comfort. I think the baby is living exactly where my stomach used to be, so after dinner it’s like a belly explosion. And then, then next morning . . . poof! It’s greatly reduced (though it doesn’t completely disappear like before).

Purchases: I have a lot to share with you about Rummage! I hit up the Infants/Toddlers section on pre-sale day a few minutes after it opened, and made a bee-line for the baby carriers and bedding. The stuff I found . . . I can’t wait to show you. We’re talking 50 cents for crib sheets, a few bucks for a Baby Bjorn carrier, 50 cents for a little robe with bear ears on it–and the list goes on. I love a good deal! Now I just need to go back to my registry and take out the stuff that I found . . .

Body: Feeling great! My belly still disappears to a good extent if I lie down flat, but when I’m standing there’s definitely something there. And as you all have reminded me, there’s still plenty of time to grow in the 4 3/4 remaining months.

Sleep: This week was more challenging, but not for baby-related reasons. Staying in a hotel room with a bunch of ladies from my extended family during Rummage was a blast, but I was too amped up after the long days of working and shopping and talking and laughing to get into sleepy mode.

And immediately after Rummage, after a day of work at the office, my band had booked that Thursday night session at the recording studio. The tiredness from Rummage plus the anticipation of working and recording meant that the night before, I tossed and turned until the alarm went off. Ugh! Thankfully, as soon as those high-intensity experiences came to a close, my sweet regular easy sleep pattern came right back. And just in time, because I was feeling ti-yerd.

Best moment(s) of the week: Shopping with my cousins for the Little Wa-Wa, with great advice from June and Kristen, who helped me pick some great baby books, receiving blankets, etc.

Movement: Still not a lot–every now and then (like every couple days) I feel that popping sensation, but it’s not really regular, and not always really very noticeable or distinct. I tried to get my husband to feel it a few times, but all he could sense was my pulse.

Food cravings/aversions: Clean bill of health in this area! I love food again, pretty unreservedly, and without any super strong cravings either. My addiction to fries seems to have resolved itself with no drastic interventions necessary.

Symptoms: None that come to mind . . . I feel remarkably not pregnant.

Emotions: I have a slight feeling of unreality/disbelief about this whole thing. So I just keep cruising along with regular life, knowing that at some point I’ll realize this is real, and there will actually be an infant human being in my arms this fall.

No there won’t!

Yes there will.

Well . . . we’ll see.

Hopes and dreams: With the advent of some baby purchases, I’m really looking forward to finding a new apartment and moving at the end of August so that we can start putting together a little room for this little person. Right now there’s really no place to put this stuff, especially since my brother-in-law John has moved in with us for the summer (before his senior year of college) and is occupying the 2nd bedroom (Hi John! We love you and we’re so excited to have you!).

What I miss: Nada.

What I’m looking forward to: In 6 days, it’s ultrasound time. And, assuming the baby is amenable to our goals and not yet infused with a strong sense of modesty, next week I should be able to share with you if we’re having a boy or girl. Insane. I think that seeing the baby and knowing that much more about the little guy or gal will make this feel a lot more real.

Husband update:  Not much to say here–I just can’t wait to see his reactions and emotions during and after the ultrasound.

Honestly, I feel like I haven’t really seen him this past week–between Rummage (last Monday-Wednesday), recording Thursday evening with my band, a women’s ministry event Friday night and John moving in with us Sunday, time together has been at a premium. I’m thinking a date night is due.

Love you guys! Enjoy your weekends!