41 Weeks

How far along: 41 weeks, completed 10/17/2012. This Friday I have a nonstress test at 1:30. Basically, they will listen to Alice’s heartbeat for about half an hour and see how she’s doing in there. If there’s any reason for concern, I’ll be induced that same day (!). In which case, I’ll phone up my darlin’ husband, who will bring the hospital bag and meet me there for showtime. On the other hand, if everything looks fine, I go back on Monday for an ultrasound and they’ll check the level of my amniotic fluid. The absolute last possible day I will be pregnant is Wednesday the 24th, and if things haven’t happened naturally by that point, I’ll be induced at 8pm.

Please pray, friends. I want Alice to come out naturally. I have no desire to take pitocin. I’m  actively giving up my worries when they hit my heart . . . and it takes some emotional work.

Weight gain: Not sure . . . a scale in a bathroom I was recently in (since we don’t have a scale at home) said 151, but there’s no way I’ve lost 3 lbs in the past week. So who knows.

Clothes: I’m ready to be done working around this belly and get back into my regular clothes. I wake up in the morning and I think “oh man . . . another maternity tank day.” I’m basically down to either this one pair of jeans, or leggings with a long top. Not exactly my idea of fun variety.

Purchases: Nothing new.

Body: In the mornings during the past week I’ve been feeling pretty energetic and moving about comfortably, but as the days progress into the evening, I’ve been getting more uncomfortable. Getting up from the couch is considerably more difficult at night, for example. Maybe because after eating and drinking all day, my stomach expands and makes everything else feel more cramped?

And yesterday I woke up feeling uncomfortable from the get go (possibly because during the night it felt like Alice was trying to drill her way out through my pelvic floor–ouch). I went to work anyway, but didn’t stick around long. Everything was under control at the office (ah, bliss), so I decided to work from my lovely old Blackberry and head home to some raspberry leaf tea.

I’ve been getting contractions that feel slightly painful at least a few times per evening. One night, there was a nice 10-minute pattern for about an hour, but then they went away. As soon as I feel a contraction that feels like a strong menstrual cramp and has a little edge of back pain to it, I get excited and say a little prayer that they will continue. But until now, they haven’t turned into anything lasting or super intense. We’re trying all the methods of natural induction on the list: spicy foods . . . pineapple . . . pressure points on the ankle and arms . . . walking . . . and other methods. Heh heh.

Oh, and lotsa prayer.

Anyway, it’s just not computing that my body will ever decide to start this process. I feel like there’s a motherboard that needs some buttons to be pushed, but I’m not sure how to access those buttons. Will my body just start labor at some point? I have trouble trusting that it will.

And as for belly-disappearing, it’s actually still kind of successful, though in the picture below it doesn’t look it since I had just stuffed myself with taco salad, oatmeal bread, fruit salad, and scones. Scones galore.

Sleep: As awesome-sauce as usual, with the exception of Alice’s drilling expedition Monday night around 3am.

Best moment(s) of the week: I really loved our relaxing Saturday. I had a nice, peaceful devotional with coffee and cookies in the morning . . . we meal-planned and grocery shopped . . . we hung out and talked . . . I read on the couch while drinking tea and watching the rain . . . and then we made coq au vin (a huge batch so that we could freeze the leftovers) and watched a documentary (“Waiting for Superman”) in bed. Perfection!

Movement: She’s still twisting and stretching around, and it’s definitely more uncomfortable than ever before. She’s got some strength in those little legs! And the tendon-twanging feeling from last week–it’s the worst. I’m not a banjo, little girl! But if you come out today I’ll give you a banjo . . . (yes, I’m not beyond bribing at this point).

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing in particular to report here, but it’s been painful to watch my darling husband eat our favorite kind of ice cream (Dulce de Leche) and not partake. When Alice is about 3 weeks old, my self-imposed ban on dairy will be lifted and there will be much rejoicing. My first mission will be to eat a bowl of berries smothered in heavy whipping cream.

Symptoms: Contractions (more in the evening than during the day), but without the intensity and pattern that would indicate labor is happening.

Emotions: I’ve been pretty emotional about work in the past week. Some things have come up (beyond anyone’s control) that have meant I need to be here. I don’t want to go into detail, but late last week I cried at work for probably the 3rd time in 3 years, and was completely overwhelmed by stress. I cried on the bus as I went to the office . . . I cried in the bathroom after getting here . . . I cried at my desk . . . and then I cried in front of my boss. Yikes. Thankfully after some thinking, planning and decision-making followed by improvement in some matters beyond my control, things are (I think) in place again so that I can leave unencumbered by the feeling that things may fall apart. They won’t!

There is now a back-up plan for the back-up plan, type of thing.

All in all, the stress at work was the only downer in my week until I got some serious blues Monday evening. Totally out of the blue, and for no reason that I could even put my finger on. I just didn’t feel like smiling, or laughing, or doing really anything at all. So with my husband’s encouragement, as soon as we had finished dinner I went to bed and watched 2 episodes of “Clean House.” Then my baby joined me (the husband, not the Alice) and read me Sherlock Holmes until I fell asleep. Will you think me superficial if I say this was pretty much bliss? Because it was.

Hopes and dreams: Every day I hope that it will be The Day, but I’m trying not to obsess and steal the enjoyment out of the present.

What I miss: Wearing normal clothes.

What I’m looking forward to: Holding my baby girl for the first time. It’s funny, because though it’s closer than ever, it also feels further away than ever before.

Husband update: He’s ready for her to be born! Thankfully he’s also really into his work right now, writing chapter 1 of his dissertation with research he’s been doing all summer. So going to work every day is exciting for him, which I think helps take his mind off the waiting game.

I hope you’re all having great weeks! I continue to covet all of your prayers for peace, strength, patience, and pretty much all the blessings of God on us and on the timing of this. Love you all!

40 Weeks

How far along: 40 weeks, completed 10/10/2012. My due date was yesterday, so no matter what my body decides to do, meeting Alice is under 2 weeks away max. My next appointment is scheduled for Friday 10/19. It’s a non stress test, and if it doesn’t go well, they would induce that same day (!?).

Weight gain: Two more pounds in the past week! I suspected, based on the amount of food I’ve been eating recently, that it would be a larger number than usual. That puts me at 154, for a total pregnancy weight gain of 21 lbs.

Clothes: We’re having our first cold snap, and I’m surviving with jackets that don’t close over my belly. I mean, it would be ridiculous to buy a pregnancy-friendly coat for these last days . . .

Purchases: None–we’re all set!

Body: I’m still hoping to survive this thing without stretch marks. The other night I saw a faint pink line on one side of my belly, and immediately called in the troops. “Baby,” I called to my husband, trying to keep the alarm out of my voice, “is this a stretch mark???”

He agreed that it did look like one.

“Aaaarghll!!” I cried.

Then I cried “Gaaaarghlsdrrrr” just for good measure.

I pondered the pink line. I rubbed some lotion on it. I reminded myself it wasn’t the end of the world, and made peace with it.

An hour later, that pink line was gone.

Yesssssssss!

But if one appears again that actually is a stretch mark, I am determined to be mature and accept, accept, accept.

And as for the belly trick . . .

Sleep: It continues to be awesome. What a blessing!

Best moment(s) of the week: I really enjoyed having my friends Julie and Annie over for that cookathon last Saturday. And I’ve also enjoyed receiving more texts, calls, and facebook messages of encouragement than ever before. It’s wonderful to know that so many people are praying for us and wishing us well during this huge life event.

Movement: I feel like she’s been even more active than usual. She’s learned how to insert a foot in my ribcage, which isn’t too comfortable . . . and the pressure on my bladder and pelvic floor has become quite intense, with an occasional jab from a hand or something that doesn’t feel very good. One night there was a sharp pain that caused me to yell in surprise; it felt like she had grabbed the tendon connecting my leg to my pelvis and twanged it violently. Who knows what that was about.

Don’t worry, little Alice. Soon you’ll be out and about, and then you can stretch those little legs and arms as much as you want, with no cringes or moans or yelps from your mama!

Food cravings/aversions: I’ve just been eating . . . well, a lot. I keep telling myself it’s okay, because more calories consumed = more energy during labor . . . right?

Symptoms: Some back pain after our cookathon, but that went away after 2 nights of sleep (and with the help of a rice-filled sock heated in the microwave for 2 minutes, which I put on the small of my back). Bending over to do dishes and lifting out large pieces of cast iron cookware from the lower kitchen cabinets does a number on you whether you’re pregnant or not, methinks.

Emotions: I hate to use this cliche, but then again pregnancy is not original to me, so whatever. Basically, I feel like a time bomb. Labor could happen at any time . . . or not happen for 2 more weeks. That’s a lotta limbo for this girl who is used to planning ahead and controlling her own schedule.

The first part of the week, it was more emotionally challenging. But for the past few days it’s been much easier, mostly because of some stuff at work that’s required my full attention (thus making life seem more normal and time pass more quickly).

I’m so glad I decided to work up until the end! If I were hanging around the house, I think I’d go mad.

Hopes and dreams: At this point, that I’ll go into labor naturally, without having to be induced (the latest they’ll let me go is the 24th). It’s weird, because while I really do feel like a time bomb, I simultaneously feel like I’m never actually going to give birth. I mean seriously . . . is it really going to happen? Really really? I don’t feel that different than I’ve been feeling for quite some time, so the fact that a sudden change may occur soon seems highly unlikely.

Highly. Unlikely.

What I miss: Being able to button my jackets. That’s quite convenient around this time of year, dontcha know.

What I’m looking forward to: Early labor, which from what I’ve heard, is very enjoyable. Manageable contractions at home with my husband sounds like a great way to spend a day–and I’m not being sarcastic. That early phase is exciting. There’s not a ton of pain at first, so I’ll still be able to interact and talk and dream out loud with my husband like a normal human being, and I want to enjoy every blessed second of it.

Husband update: He’s definitely getting eager to get the show on the road. It’s just kind of weird that my body is in charge of starting the show . . . and that the opening night is still TBD.

When we both get home from work he gives me that look that says, “is tonight the night?” I almost feel like I’m letting him down when I say “Nooooo . . . no contractions today.”

I may have even apologized once or twice. (!?)

Before drinking a beer with dinner he makes sure to ask, “Should I have this beer? Or will I need to be driving you to the hospital in the next couple hours?” Which I think is adorable, especially considering we both went through a class on birthing and learned that labor starts gradually, and that we will probably be at home for a good day (or large chunk of a day) with early labor and a nice bit of active labor, until we hit the magic 3-1-1 (contractions 3 minutes apart, 1 minute in length, for at least an hour). So it’s not like one minute we’ll be hanging out watching an episode of Parks and Rec, and the next minute I’ll be like “TO THE HOSPITAL! NOW!” and then the fact that he just had a beer 30 minutes prior will somehow cause a birth story disaster.

Hee hee.

And I know he knows all this . . . but he still checks with me anyway.

I love you, baby.

Anyway folks, I’m hoping something happens this weekend, but if not, I’ll be back with a 41 weeks picture and update next week. Keep praying for us! We need it.

I mean, we alwaysneed it, but . . . you know what I mean.