Tag Archives: baking

I'm not not a baker

Once, many years ago, my boss was sharing his guidelines for hiring or not hiring an interview candidate. There was the common sense stuff such as: Are they dressed professionally? Are they articulate in their answers? Have they ever left a job on bad terms before? But for some reason, the item he really chose to harp on was the use of double negatives. “If they use a double negative, don’t hire them!” he yelled. He repeated this nugget of information at least a dozen million times over my next 3 years of employment. It’s like he couldn’t let it go. He was a man obsessed. So I guess I’m giving up my chances of ever being hired again by entitling this post: I’m not not a baker.

Yes, it’s a double negative.

But it expresses a terrifying truth.

After I recently shared a recipe for some delectable cookies, my blogging friend from The Pajama Chef (Sarah) made a comment saying (and I paraphrase) ‘You always say you’re not a baker, and yet what does this prove?’

Dang it, she’s right! I thought to myself. I can’t really say I don’t bake anymore. Because I just baked, and told the world about it.

After these cookies . . . these cookies . . . these bars . . . this quickbread . . . this beer bread . . . these mini pumpkin muffins . . . this pie . . . I can no longer state “I don’t bake.”

Because: I bake.

So I am not not a baker anymore.

I have graduated myself to ‘novice baker.’

It’s a frightening move for me, and now I feel like I have a huge target on my back. Soon, they’ll discover you understand nothing about the science of baking, my insecurities warned me. You’ll be called out as a fraud!

Though who exactly are ‘they’? My insecurities never bothered to specify.

This is my topmost life fear, by the way: to be uncovered as a scamming shamming fraudulent human girl. Throughout my high marks in high school and college, the fear that constantly dogged me was: They’re bound to discover soon that I’m not actually smart, but just good at faking it. They’re bound to find out that I don’t actually measure up. That my ‘intelligence’ is just a sham. That I’m a phony! A fraud! A failure! The fact that I aced every class was just a fluke. Soon, the truth would be revealed!

So I hope that by calling myself a ‘novice baker’ you don’t think I’m giving myself airs. Because I in no way pretend or claim to have discovered the perfect chocolate chip cookie! And isn’t that the aim of every real baker out there? I’d better get started–I’m way behind on this mission.

Note: my husband is convinced he’s discovered the perfect chocolate chip cookie–you can tell by the look on his face that he feels he’s arrived. I, however, am firmly convinced that further scientific experimentation must take place. Methods for wiping the smug expression off his face may include but are not limited to: tickling, spanking, singing a small operetta at the top of my lungs, and eating all his cookie dough before it makes it to the oven.

What can I say. I love that guy, even if he’s dead wrong.

Progress reports must be posted soon.

Love,

The Non-non-bakerperson

P.S. Lemon Cream Bar recipe tomorrow, Lemon Crinkle Cookies later this week!

Irish Soda Bread

I came across this recipe on one of the blogs I read, Mommie Cooks. She also happens to be a Tasty Kitchen member, and her recipe box is full of delicious and quick things to make. I love a good quickbread recipe, and the fact that this one takes only about 5 minutes to throw together is a huge plus. All the magic happens in the oven, with hardly any effort on your part. And who doesn’t love a loaf of freshly baked bread? It just screams ‘home’ to me. I made this bread for our Bible study group, and I could almost swear more bread was eaten than the main dish that I prepared to go with it.

Ingredients

(Serves 6)

4 ¾ cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

1 tsp caraway seeds

3 TBS honey

1 egg

1 ½ cups buttermilk

3 TBS butter, melted

Only 4 dry ingredients need to be assembled: flour, salt, baking soda, and caraway seeds.

Mix the dry ingredients together.

I love the flavor that the caraway seeds give this bread. They are nice and strong, so even though the recipe only calls for a teaspoon, that’s exactly the right amount.

And I love, love, love my new flour canister. It’s from WalMart.

It makes the flour-measuring experience so much cleaner than when I measured it straight out of the paper bag and flour poofed all over my countertops, floor, and clothing.

Now gather the remaining ingredients:

No, that’s not a mug of tea or coffee–it’s the melted butter. And don’t tempt me to drink it straight outta that mug, because I won’t!

Unless it’s a double-dog dare.

I’ve never been double-dog-dared before, so I have no idea what would happen were I confronted with a choice. Swallow my pride . . . or drink the butter. Humble myself . . . or drink the golden greasy stuff.

Ah, the mental dilemmas that rage in my mind throughout the day.

Add the egg and honey. . .

. . . pour in the buttermilk (I never have buttermilk on hand, so I used a handy substitution: 2% milk mixed with 1 1/2 TBS of lemon juice) . . .

. . . and stir everything around until the dough is just starting to come together (about 1 minute).

Add in the melted butter . . .

. . . and knead very briefly on a floured countertop, just until the dough holds its shape.

Make sure not to overknead! This step only took me (literally) 15 seconds.

Form a ball, and cut two slits in the top of the ball in the shape of a cross.

Put the dough on an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 350 F for 50-60 minutes.

When you remove it from the oven, test the bread with a toothpick in its thickest part to make sure it’s done.

If the toothpick comes out sticky or has a little dough on it, put the bread back in the oven for another 5-7 minutes and then probe its depths again.

I didn’t test my bread very carefully, so upon cutting it open I encountered a large lump of uncooked dough in the middle. Mercifully, I just popped it back in the oven and all was well–thank heavens for low-maintenance baking recipes such as this one.

Let it cool for a few minutes before cutting and serving.

Slather with butter, if desired.

I desire.

Would you look at that beautiful crust?

I need to put this on the menu again asap.

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