Tag Archives: God

Three months of joy

Alice is my delight. I didn’t realize, even in the days after she was born, how close to my heart she would become. How my heart would go pitter pat when I see that first smile of the morning. How if her nap goes on for longer than usual, I start missing her. Years ago when thinking about the possibility of having children, I used to think I’d skip babyhood if I could and move my kids right into the stage when they’re talking and interacting. After all, that’s so much more interesting and rewarding, right? But it turns out that I love that she’s a baby. There’s nothing as interesting as watching her move her little dimpled hands towards a toy or kick her little legs, and nothing as rewarding as her sighs and coos of pleasure as I breastfeed her, or her gurgles and “gaaaa”s when she talks to us about all her little baby feelings. I was a fool to ever even consider wanting to skip past this time. (Isn’t it great that God doesn’t leave those choices up to us?) And not only do I love that she’s a dimpled, double-chinned baby, but I love that she’s my baby. When we were saying goodbye to my family after Christmas, I remember getting a rush of joy when I thought “Thank God I don’t have to say goodbye to Alice–I get to take her with me!”

My three months of maternity leave, of which today is the last official day, have meant so much to me. Alice is my daughter, my buddy, my baby-love, my responsibility and my joy, and these months have been full to the brim of happiness.

I particularly remember that first week we spent alone, when she was 2 1/2 weeks old. My mom had left over the weekend, so Monday morning after my husband went to work, Alice and I had a whole day to ourselves–in fact, a whole week full of days to ourselves. And it was beautiful. Sunlight enveloped the living room in a gentle glow, and as I lay on the couch and nursed and napped with my baby, the quiet only broken by her little snorts and sighs, I really started falling in love with her.

Here are some shots of us at Thanksgiving, when she was a month old . . .

. . . and here are some taken just last week, at almost 3 months old.

I thank God that come Monday, when I go back to work, this little bundle comes with me; I don’t think I could do it otherwise. I’ll load up the car with diapers, wipes, blankets and pacifiers, and I’ll load up my heart with prayers for faith and peace and joy, and we will jump into this new phase together.

Have a great weekend everyone. Monday approacheth . . . but it’s not here yet!

All He takes away

There’s nothing for a couple like good couple friends. Friends who feel to drop by for dinner, call you up spontaneously, cry with you, work alongside you, text you when they’re in need of prayer. Eat your ravaged mustard mash that didn’t turn out quite right with nary a word of complaint.

Especially when they’re not only your couple friends, but your bandmates. Who have also been in your Bible study for 3 years. Oh, and are on the worship team at church with you. And when the female component of this couple is your best girlfriend.

In case you haven’t caught on yet, I’m talking about my friends Eric and Carrie.

Carrie was the one who kicked my butt into the world of blogging over two years ago. Carrie was the first person to call me after our break-in in January. She took me for my first pedicure. Carrie’s thrift shopping stamina is enough to satisfy even this hard-core thrift shopper. And Eric and Carrie forced us to go to a Regency Ball . . . twice!

Carrie invited me to sing back-up vocals for one of her gigs one fall long ago, which put the wheels in motion for the formation of our band, Thornfield.

Eric and Carrie were the first people I played one of my original songs for (with the exception of my husband, of course!), and the catalysts for my songs actually ending up not only being performed in front of actual people, but recorded on our CD. They have encouraged, challenged, pushed, comforted, and advised me.

I can’t say what Eric and Carrie have been to me in the past 3 years.

Now they are moving to North Carolina (a process started long ago), where Eric will be getting his Masters in Composition at UNCG. We had a goodbye brunch for them at our place a few weeks ago, and another goodbye brunch with our church family this past weekend. Yesterday evening we helped them pack up the truck.

And that’s it. Now–as in, this morning–they are going to get into their vehicles with all their stuff (as well as our furry and cruel band manager) and actually drive away. In fact, at this time of the morning they are probably already outside the city limits of Chicago, heading South and zooming off into this new phase of their lives.

And the only reason I’m not burying my head in the sand in despair is because I know God has a plan . . . that his plan is GOOD . . . and that he will meet all of our needs.

We will try to keep both our friendship and Thornfield going from a distance, share our lives and songwriting, engage in road trips for the occasional gig, and hopefully record another album down the road. But the reality is–it’s not going to be the same. I know I have a lot of tears ahead of me, and there’s nothing to be done except cry them, and walk through the pain of my loss.

I take so much comfort in the words of the hymn “Be still my soul” that say:

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side,
Bear patiently the cross of grief and pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide,
In every change He, faithful, will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

And especially close to my heart is this verse:

Be still my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know his love, his heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From his own fullness all he takes away.

I love you guys, Carrie and Eric.

Drive safely, sweet friends, and I pray that after a few years, somehow, we will end up in the same city so that we can share our lives again in this way that has been so, so precious to me.