Tag Archives: house

The garden of Dr. Evil

Aunt Jacquie’s house is wonderful, unique, thoughtfully decorated. We’ve already talked about her elegant but unloungeworthy living room, and we will be doing a tour of the secret staircase and castle wonderland that is the attic, but today I wanted to revel with y’all in her garden.

Here’s the front of the house with its lush green grass and hosts of plants.

The front of the yard has this marvellous old tree . . .

. . . where aunt Jacquie has thoughtfully installed a little door for the gnomes to go in and out. This will go a long way in improving the crumbling state of human/gnome relations, I’m sure.

But that’s just the beginning of the garden dynasty she is building–let’s go around to the back of the house:

The patio area is brand new, and was the perfect setting for a grilling post, manned by Martin for approximately 12 hours straight.

I dub thee Martin of the Grilled Bacon.

The patio area is also perfect for toenail painting (and the refurbishing of waning pedicures):

And adult conversation under the shade of the umbrella.

Do you remember that time (in your early days on this planet) when adult conversation was a mystery? Why would anyone just want to sit around and talk all day? I would ask myself. Surely there were more interesting things to do–like making paperdolls. Or going swimming. Or jumping over towels. Or pretending that the grass is a pit of quicksand, and you have walk along its edge in perfect balance and not set a single toe on it–or else you’ll fall in and be swallowed whole.

As you can see, the patio is not the end of the back yard.

There is an expanse of open space in which any children at hand can completely exhaust themselves running around.

Go Snugs go!

The adults can also migrate to the shade under the tree and continue their boring conversational endeavors.

While the kids were blowing bubbles, my cousin Eleanor and her friend Summer chatted away on some blankets.

I don’t have any landscaping skills or any reason to do landscaping, being ferreted away in an apartment building far away from things called ‘yards’ or ‘lawns,’ but if I did have some such yard or lawn, I would certainly find inspiration in what aunt Jacquie has done with the place.

Hmmm–that was a convoluted way of saying ‘way to go aunt Jacquie!’

She has some mad skillz.

Yes, I just said ‘skillz’–and I’m not taking it back. Nope.

Let’s venture around to the side of the house, where there is another patio area nestled in.

June and aunt Jacquie did me the courtesy of posing. I think I’ll call this area the ‘breakfast nook.’ Or maybe the ‘afternoon tea nook.’ Or maybe the ‘movie star nook.’

Yes, June is looking like a movie star.

Something about those sun glasses screams ‘glamour!’ to me.

And the flowers . . . oh the flowers. Is there anything more photogenic in the world?

I mean, besides movie star June?

So I’m curious–who out there has yards? And how much design have you put into them? And do you mow your lawn with great joy or with great gloom? Or do you just hire the neighbor boy to do it?

A couch for Dr. Evil

This is my aunt Jacquie (right), posing with my Mom on the day of her 60th birthday. She is an amazing woman, has raised three spectacular kids, and (being an English PhD) regularly polices the grammar on this very blog (all while being its staunch supporter and enthusiastic reader as well). The celebrations were so much fun, and a lot of friends and family came down to party Friday night and all day Saturday.

I have lots of pictures to share from these two days, but I thought I’d start with some very important ones.

What is my cousin June holding . . . ?

It appears to be an ornately decorated box.

Yes. In fact, it’s a contribution box for a very important cause.

This brilliant brainchild of my cousins was passed around to the party goers as the day progressed. Are you confused? Muddling about in a cloud of incomprehension?

Let’s review the evidence, and everything will become clear:

Here’s the living room. Yes, very tasteful, very classic in appearance. But not exactly . . . lounge worthy. I mean, can you picture a pile of cousins and grandkids in PJ’s just hangin’ loose on these marvelous pieces of antique furniture?

I didn’t think so.

Eleanor agrees–completely unacceptable. We want comfort.

We want to slouch. We want to snooze. We want to hang our limbs all over this place. But the scrolly bits of ornate wood keep getting in the way.

I’ll give you further evidence. Using my spy-skills, I witnessed the following conversation between aunt Jacquie and a distraught female guest. I should note that I have no idea who this woman is (dear Mystery Woman: I hope you don’t mind being blogged about)–this is just cold, hard reporting, folks.

Strange woman: You know, I really enjoyed my visit, except that after sitting on your living room furniture for an hour or two, I think I might need back surgery.

Aunt Jacquie: Oh no, you poor thing! I’m so sorry!

Aunt Jacquie: You know, now that I think about it, I can’t even count the number of medical complications that furniture has caused over the years . . . lemme see . . . one (a sprained back), two (a herniated disc), three (a stomachache–though that may have been from all the meringue) . . .

Aunt Jacquie: I mean, I know that whenever I sit in my furniture I always get this cramp . . . it starts along my neck right here and moves into my shoulder and upper back . . . it’s really quite painful.

Case closed! We can’t have Aunt Jacquie in pain and getting cramps in her neck for the rest of her life. That just wouldn’t do.

And just when I thought this little manifesto was about wrapped up, I called out to my husband . . .

“Hmmm . . . should I include this picture of you on the couch? I don’t know, it’s kind of dark and . . . you know, you don’t really look that uncomfortable.”

“Well that’s because I didn’t think it was really that uncomfortable. I mean, the living room looks really nice,” he said.

I stared at him blankly. He continued:

“She has a beautiful living room.”

“But . . . but . . . ” I spluttered. “You’re not on our side?”

“I don’t know, her furniture looks really pretty.”

“Pretty? Pretty!?!? But that means . . . you’re with the opposition!” I cried. “Dang it,” I muttered, “I guess I’ll have to include your views in my blog post.”

Everyone else, I hope you align yourselves with the correct side in this matter. Over and out.