How far along: 34 weeks completed 08/28/2012.

Weight gain: Not sure, but I’ll know next week at my appointment whether or not I gained back those 2 lbs I lost. We shall see! With the Devon Market bakery right next to our new apartment, I’m thinking the pounds should pile on no problemo. My breakfasts for the past week included a Mexican doughnut, a pastry filled with some kind of pineapple curd, and two giant butter rum muffins peppered with tiny chocolate chips.

It’s all part of the ‘exploring the neighborhood’ experience . . . right?

Clothes: We’ve been unpacking all our clothes, some of which I had boxed up a long long time ago when I discovered I couldn’t fit them with my preggo belly. Rediscovering them has been fun, because I’ll be wearing them all again soon! Maybe not in exactly 6 weeks, but hopefully . . . shortly after that?

Purchases: I bought DVD’s of Anne of Green Gables and the sequel. I figured I want a nice stash of chick flicks to watch during my Hibernation time when Alice is first born, and these childhood movies are going to fit the bill perfectly. They’ve been sitting in my amazon.com cart for about 5 years (no kidding), so I finally ordered them and will save them for those long afternoons when (I’m told) it will seem like all I do is feed my baby girl.

Body: I’ve been feeling heavy in my belly for the first time. I’ve felt heavy overall before, especially going up long stairways (that happened pretty early on in pregnancy), but something this week has felt different. I hate to use the cliche of a bowling ball . . . but it really does feel like there’s a big, heavy sphere in my stomach, especially by the evening.

Alice should be weighing around 4 lbs now, and though she feels heavy I can still kind of tuck her away somewhere in the recesses of my absurdly long torso.

And after musing last week about how I need to stop lifting things, I’ve continued to struggle with this . . . and have lifted things anyway, even though my body has been telling me it doesn’t feel right anymore. I find it distressing that I don’t have more self-control. I’ve been valuing my physical independence over my physical well-being (and possibly Alice’s). Why can’t I just stop?? Why do I find it so hard to ask someone else to do things for me (someone else = my husband)?? Argh. I didn’t realize what a high value I put on my independence until now. It’s given me all new respect for people who are disabled long-term, and find a way to live fully and joyfully within their limitations.

Accepting limitations is hard, man.

Sleep: I seem to be needing a lot more of it all of a sudden. Sunday, for example, we got home from church, lunch and goings-on around 3:30pm. I was feeling beat, beat, beat, so I lay down on the couch and napped. And it was no cat-nap–I’m talking two hours of sleep, from 4-6pm. I woke up feeling much better, but wondered if this hefty nap would interfere with my 10:30 bedtime.

Well . . . it didn’t. I slept like a rock.

Best moment(s) of the week: I know I can’t shut up about this, but feeling my roly poly little girl rollying and pollying inside is just indescribably wonderful. Giving her a poke and feeling her kick back . . . well, indescribably = I can’t describe it. ‘Nuff said.

Movement: She’s startled me a couple times with the strength of her punches, but most of her movements seem to be rolls and squirms.

One night, Adam was kind of jiggling the spot where her head/butt/lumpy part was pushing out, and she pushed back! He did this four or five times, with Alice pushing back when he stopped. It was the most precious father/daughter conversation I’ve witnessed.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing to report.

Symptoms: Like I mentioned, I need more sleep! I’m feeling more fatigued after regular days at work that didn’t used to exhaust me so much. I’m glad this extra tiredness hit after the move and not too much before! Though it does slow down the setting-up-house process a bit . . .

Emotions: I’ve been feeling great! Eager to be fully moved in, but also enjoying the process of getting furniture in the right place and moving things into drawers and so forth.

My job has felt harder than usual, but not because there’s more work–quite the opposite! As I put more and more into the hands of my (very competent) temp, I have more time just sitting around with nothing to do. Which is boring. And makes me antsy and stir-crazy. But this is a good problem! It means when my maternity leave starts, I will no longer be holding onto any reins at the office, and I can sever myself fully for 3 months.

Hopes and dreams: I’m thinking a lot about giving birth. A few of my friends who have given birth recently have had rough experiences, which is a wake-up call to me. Things might not go according to the pretty plan in my head, in which I labor at home until contractions are 1 minute long and 3 minutes apart (for at least an hour), proceed to the hospital where I have a fully natural birth that is painful but manageable and brings me and my husband closer together, and within 6-7 hours of arriving at the hospital have a healthy baby girl who immediately goes onto my chest (where of course she latches on to breastfeed within the first hour or so).

So I’m trying to let go of expectations . . . not put pressure on myself or deceive myself into thinking that I am fully in control of what happens (I’m not!) . . . and ultimately, trust God. He created my body, and the little girl inside me. He not only knows exactly what’s going to happen in about 6 weeks, but also is sovereign over everything. And he uses everything for good. So I have nothing to fret about.

What I miss: Physical independence, baby. And energy!

What I’m looking forward to: Um . . . physical independence and energy? Baby?

Husband update: He’s been encouraging me to respect my body’s limitations and let him do things for me. He’s challenged me to prioritize my health (and Alice’s health) by exerting self control and deciding not to move that box, or not to bend over to pick up a pile of books. And also, he’s been unfailingly patient when I’ve failed to act wisely.

In short, a better companion has never been seen.

Have a good weekend everybody! And if you’re in the U.S. (and have a nice employer), enjoy your Labor Day off!

How far along: 33 weeks completed 8/21/2012.

Weight gain: I saw the midwives on Tuesday, and have lost 2 lbs since my last visit. So back down to 147 it is (for a total pregnancy gain of 14 lbs). I’m chalking it up to the move and all the increased physical activity that has involved. They’ll only be concerned if I’ve lost weight again by my next appointment, which probably won’t happen considering I’m chowing down on an Almond Joy at this exact moment and have grand plans of following that up with a bagel spread to the heavens with cream cheese.

Clothes: Now that we’re unpacking boxes at our new place, I am again reminded of the pants and jeans that I love, can’t fit, but will soon resurrect! Provided breastfeeding sheds those pounds as much as I’ve heard . . .

Purchases: Nothing new for lil’ Alice this week.

Body: With the move, I’ve had a hard time not lifting things, and a hard time asking for help. Make that a really hard time. So I’ve lifted things probably more than I should (hence the 2 lb loss?). There have been no visible ill effects other than a backache one evening that went away after a good night’s sleep, but I know there can still be bad effects that can’t be seen right away (especially if I try to use my core muscles too much and cause them to tear), so I’ll try to be good about this.

Being physically limited makes me feel like my independence is being cramped, so I’m trying to teach myself to be okay with needing help.  It doesn’t mean I’m a weakling–it’s the smart thing to do to care for myself and my baby. I think I’ll give myself a mental prescription:

Repeat 5,000 times per day: Asking for help is smart, not weak.

Something about Americans–we really value our independence. Denyse, our Bradley Method instructor, was talking about this, and how we applaud the woman who’s out and about shopping 3 days after giving birth. But holding independence in such high esteem can also cause us to jump into things that maybe we shouldn’t. Not rest when we need to. Not respect our bodies’ need for recovery. And many times, we can end up isolating ourselves when we need to be asking for help instead.

I really took this to heart, because I see myself here. I’m the woman who wants to be out and about 3 days after birth. Whereas, maybe it’s a better idea for me to plan on 2 weeks of total down time resting, learning my new baby’s cues, wearing a robe, kicking around the house, and just focusing on Alice and my husband and myself instead of the world at large.

So that’s my plan–to take two weeks and label them “Hibernation Time” in my mind, so that I’m not tempted to try and leap about too quickly.

As for the disappearing act that I so carelessly forgot to mention last week, it works pretty darn well in the morning or on an empty stomach, but when I attempted it in this picture after eating a gigantic meal . . .

. . . not so much.

I also have a really obnoxious expression on my face in that picture. I don’t know what I was trying to convey, but please just gloss over it and move on with your day. At least that’s what I’m trying to do.

Sleep: Great! Can’t complain. Squats are still really helpful in overcoming that feeling of restlessness in my legs that hits when I lie down. I also think the physical exertion of moving has helped me sleep better. Sleep seems to be the sweetest when preceded by a day of really hard work.

Best moment(s) of the week: We did a final sweep of our old apartment Sunday evening. Before closing up shop for the last time and leaving our keys in the manager’s drop box, my husband and I both started getting tearful. We recollected with fondness what a mess the place was when we first moved in 3 years ago, and how we went about making it our home. We walked through each room and thanked God for all the blessings that we associated with it–guests, family and friends that had stayed on the futon in our 2nd bedroom, meals we shared together in the dining room, peaceful evenings on the couch resting and talking . . . Something about the ritual of thanking God for everything that came to mind for each room was really meaningful. We ended by praying for the next tenants, that God would bless them in a special way and that his Spirit would always be present and working in the space we were leaving.

And of course, there have been so many lovely moments in the new place this week–the first cup of coffee Thursday morning, the first load of laundry, the first meal I cooked (veeeery spicy stir fry), the first shower in our amazing bathroom . . . it’s all too lovely to be true.

Movement: She’s hiccuping, rolling about, and gave me such a hard punch the other day that it startled me. Any time I want, I can reach down, poke around my belly, and locate different body parts. I can’t quite identify the body parts yet, but the hard little lumps are fascinating to me. Is that her head? Or a butt? I love it.

Food cravings/aversions: I’ve really been enjoying Nescafe instant coffee! We bought some to survive on after packing up our coffee maker. And we still haven’t come across the coffee maker in our unpacking endeavors, but since I’ve grown quite friendly with this instant stuff (to my own surprise and I’m sure to the horror of any of my Spanish coffee-purist friends–sorry guys), it hasn’t bothered me that Mr. Coffee is still hiding out in a box somewhere.

Symptoms: I’m really trying to stay hydrated. Dehydration can cause some real complications with pregnancy–low amniotic fluid, labor that doesn’t progress, not to mention your digestion isn’t as great without it. So water, water, water! Gotta keep it flowing.

Emotions: Being in the new apartment, my baby-related emotions seem to have been ratcheted up 5 notches. I think that since I knew we wouldn’t be having Alice in our old place, as long as we were there, the reality of baby-time still felt distant. But now that we are physically in the place where we will bring her home, where she will learn to crawl and walk and say ‘ba,’ it’s all starting to feel imminent. Make that imminently imminent.

Other things that are making her arrival feel close are having nailed down a pediatrician and having scheduled ALL my prenatal appointments up to my due date. The end of this pregnancy business is truly in sight.

Hopes and dreams: I’ve set a deadline for myself: to be fully moved in as of September 10th. Though we’re moving things into their right places at a good clip and the house felt totally livable by Saturday evening, it’s going to take a while to finish 100%, figure out what furniture we need at Ikea, what’s needed to complete Alice’s room, where we want to hang pictures and little decorative details, etc.

In my mind, meeting this deadline will then give us about 1 month of routine, peace and time to fully delight in our surroundings before Alice joins us and things get a little . . . crazy. In a good, wonderful, but crazy way.

What I miss: Like I was talking about earlier, being able to lift anything I want! And even when I lift lightweight boxes, my belly gets in the way. How very odd that is. Sometimes I forget to account for that extra volume projecting from my front section.

What I’m looking forward to: The big Ikea trip next week! My mom, mother-in-law, husband and me are all going out there for a day of shopping. A big item we’re purchasing is a bedroom set, which I’m really excited about. As of now, we don’t have a bed frame or a dresser (our old dresser is now our linen closet in the new place), and our bedside tables are from our days as undergraduates (that pale-colored plywood that’s so . . . well . . . cheap!) and looking exactly like you would expect the remnants of dorm life to look. I always told myself that by the time we had kids, I would put some money into our bedroom to make it beautiful, for marital retreats and a restful non-child space. And whaddya know, that time has come! So by the end, I hope to have created a haven of delight where my husband and I can ‘get away’ and just rest in a peaceful and visually pleasing setting.

Husband update: He’s so happy about the new place.

In this picture he was expressing his excitement about the evening light filtering through our new porch door. Back to business! I cried. Get into profile for me!

We had our last Bradley class on Monday, and he said he’s going to miss those classes. I’m so happy we decided to do them, and so happy that he enjoyed them as much as he did! Technically we’re now, like, really prepared. Or something.

Technically.

Heh heh.

Have a great weekend everyone! We’ll be unpacking as much as possible over our weekend, and pictures are forthcoming on Monday.