How far along: 28 weeks, completed 7/17/12.

Weight gain: My next midwife appointment is on Monday, so I’ll know then!

But I did get an ultrasound on Monday so that the technician could get the shots of Alice they couldn’t get during the first attempt (of her spine and brain, especially), and she weighs 2 pounds now.

The technician got the images, said everything looks great, and confirmed that she is indeed a girl. Side note: I was definitely afraid she might turn out to be a boy, and that I would have to return all the cute girl stuff that people had just given me at the shower. Also, as my husband and I walked out of the Thorndale El stop on Sunday, a potentially crazy woman sitting on the sidewalk shouted “It’saboyit’saboyit’saboyit’saboy!” as we went past.

I’m so glad she wasn’t truly clairvoyant.

The pictures they gave us from ultrasound #2 don’t scream ‘cute’ in particular . . . unless you know what you’re looking at (the images are confusing at times) and happen to be her mama (me). Since she’s bigger, the shots are more of isolated body parts. And with the fuzzy black and white images (and her hand in front of her mouth), her face looks a little . . . interesting. BUT while we were watching her move around in there on the screen, she was kind of snuggled against her own arms, and the pinky on one of her hands was daintily lifted in the air. Or should I say in the amniotic fluid? Anyway, it was so cute! It looks like she’s ready to drink tea with the Queen!

I also had some blood drawn while I was there so that they can do some standard tests for gestational diabetes, vitamin D leves, iron levels (and I already know I have anemic tendencies) and the like. If anything funky comes up I should know on Monday at my appointment.

Clothes: So my husband was in Madison doing research for his dissertation most of last week. The three things I love doing the most when my husband is out of town are as follows:

–Shopping–especially thrift shopping–because I don’t have to hurry home. I can take my sweet time and try on half a million things without even a glance at my watch to tell me I’ve been going for two hours straight.

–Purging my closet, because it’s very time-consuming and requires trying everything on and making a big mess, and once I start I can also go for hours.

–Watching chick flicks–particularly the ridiculous ones that I’m afraid my husband would laugh me off the couch for.

All this to say, chick flicks were watched. Purging was done. And shopping happened! I double dipped and went thrift shopping both to Salvation Army with my friend Carrie, and to Plato’s Closet on my own. I found so much non-maternity pregnancy wear! (which was my goal–stuff that works for Belly Days that I also won’t have to cast aside this fall) Flowy tops, leggings, dresses, more flowy tops . . . and a few tiny and adorable things for Alice, and my nephew James and his soon-to-be-born little brother Liam while I was at it.

Purchases: As mentioned above, clothes! Oh, and my baby shower was of course on Saturday, so many things were purchased for me! Recap coming soon to a blog near you.

Body: The back pain I was experiencing hasn’t happened all week–hallelujah! I don’t know if there’s much to say here other than: I continue to get hot and pathetic way too easily.

I also get tired sometimes . . . in a big way. Especially after a lot of human interaction (like talking to my Mom all Friday afternoon, or the baby shower on Saturday), I get completely worn out and my brain becomes oatmeal. Cold oatmeal that’s been left out on the counter all day. In fact, I was ready to go to sleep at about 7pm on Saturday. I managed to make it until 11pm, but I had drooping eyelid syndrome the entire time.

Sleep: Great! A little restless once, but after I got up and did some squats, I was able to sleep like a baby.

Oh yeah–and one night was particularly not fun because Alice kept waking me up with her acrobatics. She does love to bust her big moves at night, but I can usually sleep through them. Not this time, though.

Best moment(s) of the week: My baby shower was really amazing! (thank you soooo much, Carrie and Beth!)

I was a little nervous about being the center of attention for so long since I’m a semi-introvert, but once I got there and started soaking up the love from all these ladies (and eating the food–mmmmm!), all was well, and I had a blast! I had a little bit of a sense of unreality during some of it, kind of like I did on my wedding day, just because it’s one of those mile markers in a woman’s life and it didn’t seem quite believable that it was happening to me. But there were some really beautiful moments. In particular, after the women prayed for Alice and me, we all sang “Take My Life and Let it Be” but with the words changed so that it was about Alice (“Take her life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee . . . take her moments and her days, let them flow in ceaseless praise . . . etc.). To hear all those sweet female voices lifted up to God singing this beautiful prayer for my daughter was just wonderful.

Movement: As you know, my mom was with us here in Chicago for the weekend, and I loved having her touch my belly constantly to feel Alice move. She was the most enthusiastic, determined baby-movement-feeler ever. Whenever I made a face that might mean “the baby is moving,” she would rush over to see what was going on–and she never seemed to tire of it. She must have spent cumulatively an hour and a half with a hand of my belly over the course of two days. She rubbed my belly, poked around to see what bits of Alice were where, and interacted with my baby girl as much as it’s possible being that the Wee Lass is still in-utero. And Alice really delivered in this respect all day Saturday, with kicks and punches and rotations galore! I really, really enjoyed this. Like, really.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing–but I’ve noticed I feel full faster than usual. I think now that Alice is 2 lbs, my stomach may not have as much space as before . . .

And on the subject of food, I said something silly the other week about you guys feeling free to send me cookies and how I wouldn’t turn them away if they happened to show up, not thinking anyone would take me seriously. Well, my sweet friend Chelsea called my bluff, and Friday a delivery showed up at my office of Cheryl’s cookies, laced with buttercream frosting. Aaaaaah. Chelsea, what an awesome surprise. Thank you from both Alice and me!! (and from my husband–because I promise I’m sharing . . . some of ’em)

Symptoms: Occasionally hot and tired–and it’s still weird not to be able to lift my own torso upright when I’m lying down (I can’t seem to get used to this state of affairs). I either have to request help or execute an awkward roll onto my side. It’s also hard to lift my entire body to standing from a deep squat, and after watching me struggle and grunt the other evening, my brother-in-law took it upon himself to extend the strong hand of mercy and lift me up. Thanks, John. Your act of kindness will not soon be forgotten.

Braxton-Hicks contractions are also happening all the time. It’s wild to feel your belly turn hard as a rock within seconds. I hope all this practice means less pain later? Probably not . . .

Emotions: Feeling pretty stable! Is it just me, or does it seem like it’s one week off, one week on, and so forth?

Hopes and dreams: After seeing images of Alice’s snuggly little face during the ultrasound, I’ve started thinking more about the moment we’ll actually get to see her face in person, wailing and red (hopefully), covered in slime–but incalculably precious and beautiful.

What I miss: Physical stamina! We’ve started packing some boxes in preparation for our move in about a month. And I’m so glad we’ve started early! Because I get worn to the bone after packing about 2 boxes. The bending and twisting required even to put stuff into a cardboard box (not even to lift the box) does a number on me, man.

What I’m looking forward to: Another baby shower! It turns out that some cousins and relatives are converging in Wisconsin the weekend after next. Somebody said, “why don’t we throw Jenna a family baby shower while we’re all together? Can she come?” Well, I can! So baby shower #2 it is. And I’m thrilled to be able to spend time with my extended family and their crazy, generous, creative, fun-loving, type-A, BIG personalities. I love them all.

Our next Bradley class is tomorrow evening, and even though it falls on a not-so-convenient day (with my parents both in town, a women’s ministry gathering that I’m leading Saturday morning and our CD release party Saturday evening), I’m still looking forward to spending that time with my husband, learning about what awaits us.

Husband update: I’m so glad he came with me to the ultrasound so that we could both rejoice together over that dainty, lifted pinky finger. The next time we see her, she’ll be in our arms!

How far along: 27 weeks, completed 7/10/12–I am heretoforth officially 3 months away from my due date.

Welcome to the third trimester, my son.

(yes, sometimes I speak to myself in a Jedi voice)

Weight gain: Not sure, but I feel like the gain has slowed down in the past couple weeks. I’m not seeing huge differences in my body from a couple weeks ago to present . . . are you?

And no stretch marks yet, though I hear they can creep up on you at the very end, and I also hear (sadly) that they are genetically predetermined, so no amount of expensive lotion is proven to keep them away if they’re in your cards.

Of course, that doesn’t keep my from trying the expensive lotions anyway.

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi! You’re my only hope.

Sorry, my mom was just telling me the story of how she and my dad were in the theatre seeing Star Wars while she was having contractions with me, so . . . right.

Clothes: My desperation last week over the heat/laundry situation came to a happy ending when my mother-in-law extended the hand of sympathy and offered up her brand new washing machine for our use. My husband was going to be with his parents all day Thursday anyway helping them get settled in their new home, so my father-in-law came into the city to pick him up and then brought him all the way back the following day just so that he could tote all our laundry over there and get things taken care of. Blessings on all that were involved in that laundry endeavor! I’m beginning to hope that there may not be another trip to the laundromat–if we can just hold out until August 15th . . . (I think we can!!!) . . .

I’ve also found a few more things I already owned that totally work for these medium/big belly days! For instance, the shirt from these pictures, which my cousin June passed on to me at Rummage two years ago.

And now that I’m looking at the nice drape and pleating along the sides, whaddya know: I think it may actually be a maternity shirt.

Purchases: I signed up to shop at a baby-stuff consignment sale in late August that my friend Traci told me about, where I hope to find cheaper versions of whatever I still need at that point (post-move and post-baby shower).

Body: I’ve started experiencing some back pain, but it’s totally different than what I expected. When I heard about pregnant back pain, I always imagined a pain similar to what I experienced my summer working at a nursing home, lifting patients that sometimes weighed hundreds of pounds and couldn’t move themselves at all: a dull but very intense, all-around (throbbing) ache. But this is different. I’ve been feeling these almost electric twinges in the area of my tailbone (very lower back) from time to time, especially after walking for an extended period. I also feel the twinges–quite sharply–if I lift myself back up from a bent position while keeping my torso stiff. To help assuage this, I’ve learned to stand up by rolling my spine up starting at the base and ending with the neck like they tell you to do sometimes in yoga (know what I’m sayin’?).

Sleep: I’ve struggled a couple nights, but I’m not sure if that’s pregnancy related or heat-related or the fact the one of those nights my husband was out of town . . . time will tell.

Best moment(s) of the week: Hearing that my mom is coming to my baby shower! More on that later.

Movement: Her movement is so sweet–I just love feeling her kicks and rolls (these two feelings are by now quite, quite distinct from each other). Our Sunday lunch was quite a bit later than usual, and for the hour leading up to eating, she was going CRAZY in there! I wonder if she was trying to tell me she was hungry?

Food cravings/aversions: I had an intense craving for stew on Sunday. It didn’t matter that it was hot outside. It didn’t matter that the stove and oven were going to make it hot inside. I just had to have stew! So I did.

And a tasty bowl of Boeuf Bourgignon it was! Worth every drop of sweat, I tell you.

Symptoms: Lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions, back pain now and then, and a small episode on Sunday during which I almost passed out but recovered quickly after sitting down.

Emotions: So yeah–my mom is coming to my baby shower! And I’m so happy about it. She’ll arrive here Friday afternoon and leave the following day some time after the party, and bless her heart for making the long drive even though it’s such a short visit! I half-heartedly tried to talk her out of it because I felt bad about the disproportionate car-time to Chicago-time ratio.

Thankfully she didn’t listen to me, and is coming anyway.

With her busy schedule finishing up their big house-building project and starting the process of moving in and getting everything in place, I haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk to her about any of the stuff you want to talk to your mother about during a time like this, and I’m so thankful to finally have some time with her.

Also, I’ve been feeling . . . scared. I don’t like this one bit, but there it is. I had a little talk with God the other morning that went something like this:

J: “God, I’m scared.”

G: “What are you afraid of?”

J: “Well . . . losing myself in this motherhood thing. Losing my identity. Having my strength tested. But mostly, not owning my time or energy or schedule like I have. I guess . . . having to live more selflessly seems really daunting.”

G: “You do realize that your identity, strength, time, energy and schedule are all mine already, don’t you?”

J: “Well yeah . . . but a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like that. I still tend to operate like I’m living for myself, for my own pleasure, and that it’s all about me.”

G: “So what you’re saying is, you know I’m going to be doing a perfecting work in you by making you into a more selfless woman, and you’re afraid it will hurt?”

J: “Yes! That’s it.”

G: “So you’re scared because your sin might be stripped away in this process?”

I pondered this. And then I realized:

YES!

God hit the nail on the head. Some sins are not enjoyable: anxiety. Nobody has fun worrying about stuff! Envy. It doesn’t feel very nice inside when you’re twisted with jealousy. Greed. It’s obsessive, and it feels like your whole being is in a vise grip. So who wouldn’t want to give up these sins?

But selfishness . . . it’s different. I happen to like living for myself, focusing so often on my own pleasure, on having fun, putting my own needs first, enjoying my life–and that’s my life (in case you didn’t notice the possessive pronoun there).

And that sums it up. I’m selfish, I feel entitled to my time and energy, and I feel defensive about losing it. I know I’m going to have to give up my own interests, or at least move them down a few notches so that they are below my baby’s needs. And I’m talking basic stuff here–like the baby will be crying and hungry and I will feel like making myself a smoothie. And I’ll have to feed the baby first . . . smoothie second.

Does that sound silly? Ridiculous? Well, after a lifetime of just going straight for the blender when I decide I want a smoothie, it may actually be an adjustment.

So yes . . . I’m afraid of the refining fire. Having sin be torched away–well, it’s not always a comfortable process, especially when it feels so ‘natural’ to keep being the way you’ve always been.

I don’t want to be scared, though. I want to be excited about the refining fire.

Excited about the refining fire . . . sounds a little unlikely. Like maybe a miracle is needed to make that jump. I guess I’d better start asking for it now.

Hopes and dreams: Right now, I’m looking forward to overcoming this feeling of being scared to the point of tears. I want to be firmly grounded in the strength of God! Fearless! Full of spiritual bravado and hope!!

*end of pep talk to self*

What I miss: Doing my regular Pilates exercise routine. This prenatal yoga stuff just isn’t quite as fun.

Also, I miss being inconspicuous, namely in my public transit experiences. With all the belly-noticing that’s been happening on the streets and on the train, these days I never know what conversation may be sprung on me. Most of the time it’s fun, but sometimes . . . it’s weird. Like this past Tuesday morning. I was on the good old #77 bus on the way to work, and this random young guy (late twenties?) started talking to me from across the aisle. It started very innocently with “Congratulations! How far along are you?” and “do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” but kept going . . . and going . . . and getting weirder and weirder all the time, until he was saying things like “Yeah, you’ll laugh a lot, like if you breastfeed, your shirt will probably get all wet. And if you eat a lot of sugary sweets, the baby will really like your milk.”

Awkward.

Please stop talking about my boobs, random stranger.

It was especially uncomfortable since he was talking to me from across the way, so the whole front section of the bus could listen to this happening. By the end I was just waiting for the moment that it would all be over, and when he rang for his stop I nearly leapt up and cheered.

What I’m looking forward to: Baby shower on Saturday! Woohoo!

Husband update: He continues to be such a rock of calm. As he put it, he may sweat some of the little things, but he doesn’t usually sweat the big stuff. So this whole having a child thing–it doesn’t seem to rock his boat.

When I feel like I’m coming unmoored, this is such a comfort.

And on that thought, I’m off to brew a pod of Caramel Vanilla coffee in the ole Keurig machine here at the office. I’m on a kick with that stuff–and it goes so well with a little piece of dark chocolate. I think of it as the ‘second breakfast’ that gets me in touch with my inner hobbit.

Have a great weekend, friends!

Love,

The Preg-diddly-umpkins