Tag Archives: spirituality

All He takes away

There’s nothing for a couple like good couple friends. Friends who feel to drop by for dinner, call you up spontaneously, cry with you, work alongside you, text you when they’re in need of prayer. Eat your ravaged mustard mash that didn’t turn out quite right with nary a word of complaint.

Especially when they’re not only your couple friends, but your bandmates. Who have also been in your Bible study for 3 years. Oh, and are on the worship team at church with you. And when the female component of this couple is your best girlfriend.

In case you haven’t caught on yet, I’m talking about my friends Eric and Carrie.

Carrie was the one who kicked my butt into the world of blogging over two years ago. Carrie was the first person to call me after our break-in in January. She took me for my first pedicure. Carrie’s thrift shopping stamina is enough to satisfy even this hard-core thrift shopper. And Eric and Carrie forced us to go to a Regency Ball . . . twice!

Carrie invited me to sing back-up vocals for one of her gigs one fall long ago, which put the wheels in motion for the formation of our band, Thornfield.

Eric and Carrie were the first people I played one of my original songs for (with the exception of my husband, of course!), and the catalysts for my songs actually ending up not only being performed in front of actual people, but recorded on our CD. They have encouraged, challenged, pushed, comforted, and advised me.

I can’t say what Eric and Carrie have been to me in the past 3 years.

Now they are moving to North Carolina (a process started long ago), where Eric will be getting his Masters in Composition at UNCG. We had a goodbye brunch for them at our place a few weeks ago, and another goodbye brunch with our church family this past weekend. Yesterday evening we helped them pack up the truck.

And that’s it. Now–as in, this morning–they are going to get into their vehicles with all their stuff (as well as our furry and cruel band manager) and actually drive away. In fact, at this time of the morning they are probably already outside the city limits of Chicago, heading South and zooming off into this new phase of their lives.

And the only reason I’m not burying my head in the sand in despair is because I know God has a plan . . . that his plan is GOOD . . . and that he will meet all of our needs.

We will try to keep both our friendship and Thornfield going from a distance, share our lives and songwriting, engage in road trips for the occasional gig, and hopefully record another album down the road. But the reality is–it’s not going to be the same. I know I have a lot of tears ahead of me, and there’s nothing to be done except cry them, and walk through the pain of my loss.

I take so much comfort in the words of the hymn “Be still my soul” that say:

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side,
Bear patiently the cross of grief and pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide,
In every change He, faithful, will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

And especially close to my heart is this verse:

Be still my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know his love, his heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From his own fullness all he takes away.

I love you guys, Carrie and Eric.

Drive safely, sweet friends, and I pray that after a few years, somehow, we will end up in the same city so that we can share our lives again in this way that has been so, so precious to me.

Our Little Wa-Wa has a name

I’ve been delaying, and for no good reason.

Her name is Alice!

Alice Esther.

“Alice” because I think it’s a beautiful name. In fact, I didn’t even look up the meaning until drafting this post–for the record, it’s a Franco-Germanic name meaning “noble, exalted,” or “noble, of the noble kind.” It comes from Adal (noble) and heid (type).

“Esther” because, as my husband says, she was beautiful inside and out. She was a woman of character, who lived fully in the world and all its mess (no bubble existence for this beauty queen) while also being fully committed to God, his people, and his mission, to the extent that she uttered those famous and thrilling words, “If I die, I die.”

We had pretty much agreed on a name for a girl and a name for a boy before going in for our ultrasound, so once we found out that the Little Wa-Wa is a girl, we just kind of started calling her by name.

We didn’t talk about it first, debate our options, or decide to make the transition–it just happened, in bed one night if I recall correctly.

And then her name started to slip out as I talked about her with others. After this happened a few times, I made myself stop and think. “A lot of people choose to wait until the baby is born to share the name–are you sure you want to just blab it all over the place?” my Cautionary Self questioned.

And my heartfelt answer to myself was–YES!

She is a little girl now. She has an identity now. She has a personality, a favorite spot in my belly, a relationship with God, and hopefully a taste for Thai food (since I’ve been shoveling that stuff down like a madwoman). So why wait until she actually comes into the outer world to call her by name? I want this reminder (to myself as well as others) that she is Alice now, and she will be Alice then too–that she’s the same little girl before birth and after birth.

When my husband says, “What’s Alice up to?” I get a thrill.

When my friends or sisters ask, “How’s little Alice doing?” I get a thrill.

Calling her by name has given my love for her an extra foothold, and I feel it growing every time I talk about her . . . think about her . . . pray for her . . . my daughter, Alice.